saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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