how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
