He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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