i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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