i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
