areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Buhtt sex?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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