dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
