In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
