When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize