I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
