I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize