Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
