Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
