I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
