I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
