i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
