you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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