I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
