It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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