i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
