Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
