I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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