Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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