Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
