Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize