so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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