Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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