I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
