OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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