he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
