i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
All the doctor said was why
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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