I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
