Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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