last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
