Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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