Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
