There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
