Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
