I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
