She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
