Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize