They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
