Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
