you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
