at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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