I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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