so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize