I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
