I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was born a porn star she said
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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