Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
