I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
