true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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