dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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