I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
His hands were made for my vagina.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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