OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
