Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
These tits shall not be calmed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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