I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just googled if crying burns calories
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
