Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
