You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
