and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He kissed a someone with a penis
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
