I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
