i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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