I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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