tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
