I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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