guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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