I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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