I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
