He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
