but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
