This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
