He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
All I want is dick and wine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
