Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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